Intro to conflict

 

Lesbian family caregivers aren’t just tasked with the job of caring for a loved one. They are also tasked with negotiating family relationships at the same time. If there were tensions in the past, expect those tensions to pop back up over time. This challenge can take on a high-level of complexity in negotiating relationships while caring for a loved one.

Best ways to deal with Conflict

Take a step back from your personal feelings and emotions even if they are highly justified. You need to practice on empathy for the other party parties involved. De-escalate where you can. You have to be the bigger person. Even when you've had enough and just don’t want to anymore.

Be an active listener. Even if you totally disagree, see if compromise is possible. Try to find some common ground.

Your Number One Job dealing with bad situations cannot be stressed enough: prioritize self-care. Make it part of your daily routine. You must maintain your physical and emotional well-being. This will make you a better caregiver.

Enforce those boundaries. Build a caregiver support network along side your loved one's support networks. Best case scenario, family members put aside their differences in the best interest of the loved one.

Embrace conflict with as much understanding and compassion as possible. Hope for family support despite what might continue to be a somewhat negative relationship.

Remind people it isn’t about you or about them. It is about the care and well being of your loved one.

You are going to need very high levels of communication skills. You are going to spend a lot of time speaking up for your loved one and for yourself. As a lesbian you are probably used to situations where you could literally choose between totally going off on someone and actively attempting to get things calmed down.

Take a breath. Take a step backward and try to verbally de-escalate what could end up very badly. You have an overarching goal: You want to keep the team together in order to provide the best possible outcomes for your loved one.

Negative situations serve no one well. It may be up to you to form those support networks even knowing things might become very negative and you will have to deal with that.

Know that everyone might never be on your side. Some might even try to get in your way. Know your relatives. Keep your expectations real.

If things go bad, be firm about the boundaries that you set-up, and pick your battles carefully. Care giving is hard work on the best of days. Know that it is vitally important to seek professional support when you need it. You also need to practice self-care on a daily basis.

If loved ones (relatives) are open to it, educate them on what it means for you to be a lesbian. Explain about the layers it adds to every situation. Explain how valuable their support can be. But only if they are open to it. Know that you will probably use every Conflict Resolution strategy you know about before you reach the end of your time as family care­giver.